A family walks in to a talent agency. And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. When they're seenupon an airing. Mark Elliott: Lead Aladdin into his biggest adventure ever. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. The talent agent goes, Hmm, thats an interesting act,' Gottfried says. They're Oxford shoes. They get the- towait. Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. And that's the act. Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. The O'Malley: Hey there, bud! Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. WebIts an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. Toulouse,Marie, where are you? WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. [Grunting]. Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? To my cats. [Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. When you lift something it better be a cock. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Of course, Frou-Frou,I almost forgot. Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. "The Aristocrats Quotes." I can't wait. I only wish that l--. You never hear a physicist going, "It's a muon, you c*nt!". Ow! And don't worry. My bad. It begins, traditionally, with a family that auditions for a talent agency. Duchess: Oh, no more, please. Yeah. Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! Uncle Waldo: [Laughter]Now, now, now, now. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. And that was my vacation. Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. Please,let me explain. "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]Oops! This-- Well, this mansion? ln trouble! The joke has a simple setup: A family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a new act. [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. And since it is a kids joke, i highly doubt it is a nonsensical joke (e.g. Size nine-and-a-half. Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. [Clips of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" are shown]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh, it's no use, Edgar. Duchess: Please, girls. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. (offscreen)Four. Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! But I'm a mouse! Andy Richter: And they eat the poop off the floor. [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. [offscreen]I've learned to live with 'em. All aboard! Duchess: Now, now, my darling. Oh, no. O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. So the piano player starts to play. O'Malley:Yeah. Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! O'Malley:Hey! Berlioz: Yeah, man. Marie:Mama! Lafayette: I'll see ya in the morning,Napoleon. Please,you must stop that. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. This little guy's on the level. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. I thought he'd never leave! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! Abigail: And you, dear,you take this place. Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? Roquefort: Must keep still. Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. I'll show you a little bit later. Go on! Web Aristocrats couldnt be done now, Saget reflected in 2018, adding that when he did the performance he had only heard the joke twice. Frogs: [singing] There's so much to say, but we have all day. O'Malley: Aloha. Now, you go for the tires, Laffy and I'll goright for the seat of the problem. Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Duchess:Oh! Mother's going towork for Mr. O'Malley. On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. Abigail: We are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe. Edgar, old chap, get used tothe finer things of life. Something horrible is happening. Right? The Aristocats! The garbage canswhere common kitties play. O'Malley: No, no, no, baby. Magic carpetit's gonna be. Heel, roll over, play dead! Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. You didn't say anything about blood." It's not fair! I know it's Georges. It's just, "Here we go folks.". For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Your father is trapped within their world. Well. Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've beenso worried about you. Not one single clue at all. Where--And somebody stolemy bumber shoot! Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. Kyle?! Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Winnie the Pooh! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" It probes the darkest, sickest places of the In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. Yes! Oh, dear. What do you call the act?" The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies the aristocrats. Ow! He hit me on the head. Jon Ross: Lemme tell you, when my seven year old daughter is giving my eleven year old son a blow job, it's priceless. Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. Neighborhood! Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. - What? I've made the headlines." Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. Aristocats are never found in alley And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. WhyEdgar? [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Frogs: [singing] Needeep, croak, ribbit, croak, needeep. Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! Toulouse: Females never fiight fair. Did you haveany luck at all? You know, when Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he really put feeling into it, he says. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? You're justher house pets. Oh, dear! Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! Come on! Lafayette: Mmm. Oh! Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Because no one is gonna book this show! Duchess: Oh! Scat Cat: [to the others]I don't dig him. Toulouse: Hey, guys. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. Someone call the cops and Ill sneak out. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. O'Malley: You know something? Roquefort: [Yawns]So, that'sCreme de la cremeala Edgar. Poor Madame. 17 And I think this young manis very handsome. 2023. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! More details are available in the progress report. Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. [Laughing]. [offscreen]Toulouse? I love 'em. We meanfar more to her than that. Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. Now, now, Berlioz. We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. O'Malley:[offscreen]Move! Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. That ain't. He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" Scram! Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. Duchess? It was a little oldcricket bug. Swimming, some of the way. [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. Brian Cummings: Plus singing and swinging with the frogs. Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". So they're all f***ing each other right. You've just rescued Thomas, right? Amelia! And other poems by Maya Angelou. Mr. O'Malley! Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. We have guys f***ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. Voice-over: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! Look at this! So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:You know, Georges, if Edgarhad only known about the will,I'm sure he neverwould have left. I lie on a chaise lounge, naked, reading sonnets from Shakespeare, and my third sister, she makes a painting very similar to Decroix's 'The Girl'." Edgar Balthazar: Cats inherit first! Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! The shift in editing over to pages for the movies, characters, actors, directors, composers, crew and galleries is now fully in effect. They showaristocatic bearing. Stop! Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. [offscreen]Ah. Duchess Oh, how nice. [onscreen]The baggage truck willbe here any moment now. And I'm not a man either. Answer me please. Georges Hautecourt:Very good. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! Sorry, it was half [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Duchess:Berlioz, come back here. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Sir? But I was so surethat I heard them. Come on. All Rights reserved. Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Napoleon:Wait a minute. But, anyway, he says, "What is it called?" Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! Call the cops! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]No, no, no, Georges. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! For a walking tourof France. You know. It really is muchtoo heavy for you, Madame. Girls! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. Kittens? Everything is going to be all right. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. You don't know whether to sh*t or puke in this room. What's this? Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. Ready, everyone? Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! I wanna go home! Don't be frightened. He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. [Grunting]Lafayette! [offscreen]They're gone. Oh, gracious! I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Steady, girl. O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. Edgar Balthazar:Coming, Madame! Who do you want me to sue, eh? And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:[Madame]Of course we will. [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. Oh! Ooh, it's them shoes again. Duchess: Over here, darling. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. Nice doggy! Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. Edgar Balthazar: What the?! Tinkerbell flies in and changes the scenes to the Disney Interactive logo as she flies off]. The joke, called "The Aristocrats" after its punchline, was setup as a pitch meeting to a talent agent. And whatmight your name be? Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Duchess: Le Petit Cafe? Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! Amelia: Of course, my dear. I'm the only cat of my kind. And when we get to Paris,I'll show you the time of your life. Ahh! 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